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| 1. | Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. |
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| 2. | Because nobody goes through life without a scar. |
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| 3. | But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. |
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| 4. | But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. |
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| 5. | Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. |
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| 6. | Comedy is tragedy plus time. |
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| 7. | Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. |
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| 8. | I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry. |
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| 9. | I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? |
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| 10. | I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned. |
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| 11. | I liked myself better when I wasn't me. |
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| 12. | I plan on using more commonsense in the future when it comes to my eating habits. |
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| 13. | I was editor of my junior high school paper and my high school paper, and I went to UCLA with the idea of majoring in journalism, before getting sidetracked by theater. |
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| 14. | I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. |
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| 15. | It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. |
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| 16. | It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. |
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| 17. | My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. |
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| 18. | My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. |
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| 19. | My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't noah between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. |
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| 20. | Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. |
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| 21. | Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. |
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| 22. | She wanted me to be a writer. She said you can always write, no matter what you look like. When I was growing up she told me to be a little lady, and a couple of times I got a whack for crossing my eyes or making funny faces. Of course, she never, I never dreamed I would ever perform. |
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| 23. | This is to explain just how your mom turned out to be the kind of hairpin she is. |
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| 24. | We don't stop going to school when we graduate. |
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| 25. | Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. |
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| 26. | When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go. |
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| 27. | Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. |
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| 28. | You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself. |
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| 29. | You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. |
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