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| 1. | A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny. |
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| 2. | A group or an artist shouldn't get his money until his boss gets his. |
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| 3. | An actor wears a costume and makeup. I'm an actor. There's nothing wrong with that. You go out and entertain them. I don't have any inner arguments anymore. |
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| 4. | Any fool knows that bravado is always a cover-up for insecurity. That's the truth. And on that note, I'll say goodnight. God love you. |
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| 5. | Events in the past eight months have affected me deeply, and it's only through music that I can express myself. |
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| 6. | Everybody thinks I'm at death's door, but I'm not. There's nothing seriously wrong with me, and my heart is in 100 percent working order. Anything else you may hear is a damn lie! |
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| 7. | Everybody, sooner or later, will have to go under the knife. Let's hope they make out as well as I did. |
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| 8. | George Burns was the father I never had. |
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| 9. | I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone. |
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| 10. | I could have a roomful of awards and it wouldn't mean beans. |
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| 11. | I dazzle you with that footwork. |
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| 12. | I decided I was going to give up singing and concentrate on acting, and a result of that, I didn't do another film for two to three years, and I don't blame it on anybody but myself. |
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| 13. | I don't care if I never do another TV show in my life. |
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| 14. | I don't know what it is to love the way they love-they would jump off a bridge for me. I can't do that. I can only say, I owe you. |
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| 15. | I don't think I'm going to make it this time. I think my number's up. |
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| 16. | I don't think I've ever done impressions, I don't care for that kind of attitude,and I'm tired of you bringin' it up. |
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| 17. | I don't want to be able to see the audience. |
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| 18. | I drilled holes in the floor of the club, and it's sinking. |
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| 19. | I had these shoes made and 2 to 3 inch lifts inside and the heel was another 2 and half inches. I walked around that way, wherever I could without falling over. |
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| 20. | I have worked with a great many comedians as opposed to comics, although I have worked with comics as well, I make the distinction. |
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| 21. | I listen to your show whenever I'm in town, and most of the singers you play can't even sing on key. |
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| 22. | I realize that an actor's first job is to entertain, and I believe an actor has to say something. |
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| 23. | I realized that I needed to be anonymous on the street and somebody else on the stage. I had tried to put my street self on the stage, but what they want is an actor on stage. |
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| 24. | I think Flip Wilson is a brillant comedian. |
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| 25. | I want to do drama, light comedy, the whole range. |
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| 26. | I want to make it faster than anyone has ever made it before. I'd like to be a legend by the time I'm 25. |
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| 27. | I'd like to sing more for you tonight, but I can't. I'm just a little bit out of spirit. |
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| 28. | I'm a singer who moves like a dancer. |
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| 29. | I'm gonna die, man. It's all over for me. I won't be coming out of this hospital. |
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| 30. | I'm more married to Sandy now than when we were married with the legal document. We're still married as parents. |
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| 31. | I'm not a spontaneous human being. |
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| 32. | I've been running a long time, and it's taken a lot out of me-mentally and physically. Now I just want to do my own thing. |
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| 33. | I've done a lot of things and I've been a lot of people, but now I've come to realize who I am. |
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| 34. | I've got a love affair with this business, and the more you love something, the more you want to make sure everything goes right. This isn't just a hobby. It's my life, and I want it to be right. |
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| 35. | I've learned my lesson. In fact, I've got the sand in my pocket right now. |
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| 36. | If I ever do really arrive on screen, it won't be because I've got a great set of teeth or a nose that won't quit. |
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| 37. | If a property that has a message is going to be presented on the screen, then I should say what I believe. |
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| 38. | If we let them in the front room, they'll want to shoot the bedroom, and before we know it, they'll have me in the tub with you scrubbing my back for them. |
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| 39. | If you can't stay with me without crying, if you can't be strong for me, then leave. |
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| 40. | If you don't try, if you don't do something for yourself, you won't get anywhere. |
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| 41. | It happens to the best of them. You lay off singing and your throat gets out of practice. No excuses. I blew it. |
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| 42. | It isn't true that you live only once. You only die once. You live lots of times, if you know how. |
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| 43. | It was as though all my hostilities, anxieties, and conflicts were in one ball that was flying away into space, farther from me all the time, leaving me content with myself. |
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| 44. | Just call me a family man and an actor who digs his whole scene, side interests and all. Just say I feel mighty good at the ripe old age of 27. |
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| 45. | MacLean Stevenson just called and tried to tell me I'd asked him to be my opening act at the MGM Grand. |
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| 46. | Maybe I should quit the business. There's no one left for me to love. Mama's dead. Mr. Burns couldn't care less about me. What's left? |
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| 47. | Mr. Burns comes out and flips cigar ashes on his shoes, and makes up about 90 percent of what you hear. |
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| 48. | Mr. Burns is a father symbol to me, and you can omit the word symbol. |
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| 49. | My entire life has been a lie. |
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| 50. | My family comes first. Maybe that's what makes me different from other guys. |
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| 51. | My father had to have been intelligent. He had to be a doctor or a lawyer. |
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| 52. | My goal is to be remembered as a human being and as a great performer. |
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| 53. | My philosophy is to take one day at a time. I don't worry about the future. Tomorrow is even out of sight for me. |
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| 54. | My whole life has been a lie. |
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| 55. | Nearly everything I do is part of a master plan to make me the most important entertainer in the world. |
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| 56. | Once in a while you fall into something that makes you feel good and you don't mind doing it, but if I had to do it for a living, I'd make exactly 4 dollars and 80 cents. |
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| 57. | Show me any top entertainer or top business executive, and I'll show you a guy who has mapped out his life from the very start. |
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| 58. | So let us build them shelves where They might fight among themselves and leave the people be who want to sing. |
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| 59. | Sure my career means a hell of a lot, but it will never come before Sandy and my son. |
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| 60. | The Democratic Party of California is ready to sponsor me. All I have to do is find the right office to run for. |
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| 61. | The artist doesn't take any risk. The company... shouldn't pay these fancy guarantees until the artist proves he can line up what he claims he's worth. |
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| 62. | The sex element is the most important in the business. You must sell sex. |
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| 63. | There are certain times I don't want my picture taken. If my wife's stepping out of a car and it looks like it's going to come out an indecent picture, don't I have a right to object? |
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| 64. | There are two types of sex. There's the kind the female sees when she wants to park her shoes under the entertainer's bed. Sinatra has it. |
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| 65. | This marriage is no one's business but our own. |
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| 66. | To be called the greatest entertainer may mean being paid more than anybody or having four limousines. Those are not essentials to me anymore. |
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| 67. | We were broke after my father died. Stone broke. But we managed by ourselves then, and I'll manage myself now. |
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| 68. | We were supposed to open at the MGM Grand, but I'm not going to make it. |
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| 69. | What's the matter? Weren't you ever a kid? |
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| 70. | When I come out and sing the first few bars of Bill Bailey, it's very exciting. |
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| 71. | Who am I that I have to sing under an umbrella? These people are my fans, and if they can stand in the rain to hear me sing, I can stand in the rain. |
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| 72. | You do not know when a relationship is going to turn around and the other party is going to do something for you. |
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| 73. | You ought to know about poverty. You should know what some people have to face every day of their lives, the fight they have to put up just to stay alive. |
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| 74. | You should all ask for your money back. This place should be razed. |
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| 75. | You're either sexy or you're not. I'm very self-conscious about my physiognomy. |
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